Mediocrity sucks

As I am sure you already know I do not live in a wealthy neighborhood. I live in an average middle class neighborhood with some very shady neighbors and some not so shady neighbors. The house I rent is not the nicest house in the neighborhood, but at the same time is not a cracker shack either.


One of the downsides to not having a lot of money is not having certain amenities that many people take for granted, such as two or three car garages. My house has a one car garage and my wife has the “good car” so it gets the garage and I have the old POS car that leaks oil that gets the driveway.

I had no problem with my sweet 1999 Kia taking up room in the driveway, until I went out to get into my car this morning. Apparently someone thought it would be a good idea to smash one of my tail lights and not leave a note or anything (if I find you, you will pay dearly). Now my car is no gem, but at the same time I don’t want it to look like a crack head has been using it as a house for the last 10 years. If I manage to hit this Saturdays Powerball drawing you can bet your ass that my new house is going to have a garage the size of Jay Leno’s. I will be able to park about 37 cars in my garage and prevent any hoodlums breaking anymore tail lights. I need to get rich!

Do you believe in miracles?

Powerball jackpot is $145 million and the drawing is tonight!!!  Seeing as how I have no desirable skills to make any substantial money in my lifetime, this is my best shot for the time being.  This will be my second to last post if I win.  My last post will be something along the lines of.....Peace out bitches, I'M RICH BITCH!!!  Wish me luck, I need to get rich!

UPDATE:  I got only 1 number out of the 6.  I am at work and not happy.

Rich people = no dingleberries

I recently talked about having a flat screen TV mounted in my bathroom if I ever hit the lottery or somehow manage to not be poor for the rest of my life. I figured this was about as good as it could get when talking about bathroom luxuries. Well, I might have found something in the bathroom that might even top having a TV in the poop room.

I just learned about a little genital cleaning contraption called a bidet. If you have never seen one of these things you might be wondering (as I was) why the hell there is a weird looking water fountain next to the toilet. Turns out it actually washes the dookie and dingleberries off your ass after you take a dump!!! Apparently, after you are done dropping the kids off at the pool you waddle over to the bidet, sit down, turn a knob (like a water fountain), and it shoots a stream of water at your ass that cleans the excess shit off of your poopchute. Then all you have to do is wipe away the water! I haven’t used one of these yet, but I can’t wait to give it a whirl. I personally don’t know anyone who has a bidet, but if I get rich you can bet your ass (no pun intended) that I am going to have these in all 28 of my bathrooms. I need to get rich!

First class baby

I am not sure how many people have flown first class, but if you haven't just know that it is fucking awesome.  I recently was on a flight flying in the coach class as I have every other time in my life.  Apparently, the airline was greedy as fuck and overbooked and people were pissed. They were asking if anyone wanted to "get bumped" and get on the next flight flying first class as well as a free ticket.

Seeing as how I have never experienced this luxury I decided that I needed to try this first class thing.  If anyone tells you it is not that big of a different they are lying their ass off.  I boarded the flight first, sat in the over-sized leather seat, got drinks (in glass, not cheap ass plastic) before we even took off, had real glass salt and pepper shakers, had a porcelain plate for my meal, a warm towel, etc.  It was unreal.  I don't think I can ever go back to slumming it up in coach.  I need to get bumped every flight, or I need to get rich!

Pooping and watching TV....It's apparently what rich people do

I saw an episode of MTV cribs and the person had a TV in their bathroom.  I am not talking about a little portable TV plugged into a wall, I am talking about a big ass wall mounted flat screen TV with cable, DVD capability, etc.! I have decided that this is a necessity if I ever get a decent paying job or win the lottery.  Can anything honestly top taking a crap and watching Sportscenter at the same time?  I need to get rich!

I'm a loser baby...

Surprise surprise....not only did I not win the Powerball last night, but I didn't even get one fucking number to match.  Looks like another miserable day at work having to listen to the office secretary field personal phone calls all day.  At least she has a nice rack that I can stare at.

Wish me luck next time and in the mean time hopefully I will find get rich quick scheme, get a large inheritence from a distant relative, or cash in on a Nigerian e-mail scam.  I need to get rich!

I hope today is my last day at work

There is a big Powerball drawing in my city tonight that I am going to play.  If I win this motherfucker I am going into work early tomorrow and taking a dump in the urinal, pissing in the back corner of my bosses office (I don't want him to find it.  I want it to ferment over time.), and leaving a letter of resignation on his desk (nothing formal, more of something like I QUIT THIS BITCH!!!).  Wish me luck.  I will keep you posted if I win.  I need to get rich!